Dream Takes You Anywhere

Yohooo.. I’m back! Don’t you miss me?? I was very busy since 3 months ago because I have a lot of work to do, traveled for work and study. Yup, study! What am I study? English, duh. The reason why I didn’t go traveling for vacation because.. I’m running out of money lol. I’ve spent my money for scholarship hunting. What will be will be. Manusia berusaha, Tuhan yang menentukan. Pantang menyerah kalo kata orang mah hehe. Okie, back in English!

I’m feeling so tired now. I feel exhausted almost everyday. I always go home late since last week because I have a class. I got home at 12 am on Monday and Wednesday. My mum always calling me and asked me, “Where the hell are you!?” “Why are you always go home late! Don’t go home, stay in your friend’s kosan” She worried to her daughter lol. Can you imagine, I spend my time out there from 5.40 am to 12 am. And then the next day I will tepar and late for work.

Last night my teacher asked me, “What is your purpose study here (course)?” And then I said, “I wanna take master degree”. And he asked me again, “Yeah I know, I mean what field? What major?” Ummmmm… I don’t need a long time to answer his question. I said, “Public administration or public policy”. “Where?” “In the USA??”. “Which university?” “Ummmm….. (sebutin satu nama universitas)”. I’m not confident mention one of the university in the US haha.

“Well that’s a good university. You need an effort to write your essay.” “Yeahhh, I’m working on it.” But the problem is.. I’m still struggling with my English. I’ve took IELTS and iBT TOEFL for 4 times and I didn’t get good score. I’m stuck here. I only need 0,5 more for my IELTS or 11 points for my TOEFL. And what’s new? Last Saturday I re-take IELTS for the third time, and I’m not sure with the result. We’ll see the test report form next week.

No matter how hard I’m trying I always get low score. I think english is not that difficult compare to other foreign language. But why is it so hard to learn it. Am I too old for study? I don’t know. My vocabulary limited. My grammar poor. I don’t even know what is the different among have, had, and has haha.

My sister asked me, “Why are you trying so hard! Come on, stay at home and help me run our business. Stop study. Let’s make money!” But sis, I wanna persuing master degree in the USA. Or I will stay here if I find a guy to married with and build a family dududu.

Last Saturday I met a woman who feeling not confident took IELTS because she thought she’s too old for IELTS, because the other IELTS candidates was younger than her. She took IELTS for her Phd. She planning to take doctoral degree to Europe. Her effort motivated me. I wanna be like her. I mean study. She working in university and her university doesn’t allow her to take Phd before the university commitee give her permission. Iyuh, panjang ya prosesnya.

Last week I met my boss and asked his permission to apply scholarship. He asked me many questions. Why are you apply scholarship? After get his permission, I went to my other boss and ask him to give me recommendation leter. Applying scholarship? The struggle is real. Back to the moment when I was applying my job. I’ve work here for almost 8 years, wew. I have to go to Jakarta, Serang for the test. When I’m feeling so tired I will cry. It happen again now haha..

What am I doing with my life? I’m studying GRE. I think this is the most difficult test. I wonder who create this GRE questions. There are a plethora of words that I don’t understand what’s the meaning. I have to memorize more than 1.000 vocabulary that I’ve never heard. I have to practice practice and practice. FYI, I hate writing in English. Why are you tortured yourself, Bijo?

Long time ago, when I read Indonesian blogger’s blog who write in English, I always asked myself, why are they writing their journal in English? WHY??? And then I will skip their post and close their tab hahaha. Sorry! Please don’t close my blog. You can read my blog and correct my English. I know there must be a lot of wrong words or sentences or grammar. Okay back to reality. I have to study anymore.